


passionate from miles away

by finedae



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Introspection, M/M, Pining, Slice of Life, Yearning, bbh start a union
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:53:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22606552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finedae/pseuds/finedae
Summary: Kyungsoo spends the whole day feeling like something is missing. Chanyeol's holed up in the studio all day, writing love songs.
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 26
Kudos: 157





	passionate from miles away

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lgbtksoo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lgbtksoo/gifts).



> hello!  
> this fic is written to avoid finishing a different wip, which was also created to avoid a different older wip. the only way i finish my work is to start new, different work
> 
> also written for my dear wonderful friend, xia, who cheers me on endlessly and mentioned wanting to see kyungsoo pining away for chanyeol. thank you for your presence. pls cry. 
> 
> writing from kyungsoo's POV is definitely different for me, and i wanted to write a fic expressing missing someone without actually using those words. why? i like to make things difficult for myself for inexplicable reasons
> 
> if you liked reading, do let me know. they make my day. thank you

**you:** breakfast? ✔️

sent: 10:32 AM

Kyungsoo checked his phone, refreshing a few times to no new messages. He scrapped whatever mental breakfast plans he was making at the cafe around the corner, on the intersection four blocks away. He doesn’t check the weather outside — it’s probably not that great. He’s not a fan of walking, anyways. All sweaty and the clothes stick to your skin uncomfortably or the wind seeps in, rattling your bones. Why weather the elements when you can stay at home and make the perfect omelet, he thinks, sprinkling in a good dose of pepper and an extra serving of chives and chopped tomatoes and mushrooms.

It’s not until they’re ready to be folded and served Kyungsoo realises he has made two servings.

Chanyeol is… busy, Kyungsoo surmises by noon. He’s usually the one blowing up Kyungsoo’s phone with texts with too many exclamation points and expressive stickers, pictures of clouds or a song he should listen to, so if he’s forgotten about the plans they made work’s the most likely culprit. With that in mind, Kyungsoo starts his weekend answering work emails, going over project details and sending out revised notes. He knows he won’t hear back any time soon, can almost hear Baekhyun’s chants of unionising if he texts him anything work related — not just on the weekends, any day in general.

It keeps him busy for a good few hours. He even looks up a synonym for ‘regards’, switching it up a bit. Chanyeol always signs his emails with _‘yours now and always_ ’ which Kyungsoo’s pointed out for unprofessionalism, to only be met with a sheepish shrug and a “it’s true though!” It isn’t until Kyungsoo’s stomach rumbles, breakfast for two be damned, when he finally shuts his laptop.

Chanyeol isn’t like that, his razor sharp focus leaving him hyper-fixated on a project to its end. There have been times he’s forgotten eating or sleeping regular human hours, being so engrossed in finding the right hook or fixing a misplaced beat. And more than once, Kyungsoo’s had to forcibly drag him away or coerce him to eat. He’s just so… passionate. Kyungsoo probably devotes more time than required to his own work, given his own desire to do it well and he does find his work fulfilling but it isn’t the all consuming lifeline that it is for Chanyeol. Kyungsoo sometimes wonders if he’ll ever find that kind of fulfilment.

But right now he’s looking for a different kind of fulfillment, a satiating his need for a bowl of jjajangmyeon one. He feels holed up in his tiny apartment, with only his potted cactus for company. Checking the weather outside -- deceivingly pleasant -- Kyungsoo grabs a jacket over sweater just to be safe and his phone, heading out.

February is cold but not nearly as bitter and biting as January. The streets are in full Valentine’s spirit, with local shops and restaurants advertising obnoxiously pink hearts and overpriced two for one meal deals. He knows it’s too last minute to call any of his friends right now, as he scans somewhere acceptable to eat. Some of these hole-in-the-wall cafes, he’s actually been to with Chanyeol. The ambience is nice, and it’s quiet enough that the private booths echoed Chanyeol’s booming voice and dim warm lighting framing his face and casting shadows against everything that wasn’t them. Kyungsoo doesn’t remember how the food tasted.

He walks into a popular local restaurant, loud and bustling, the smell of beef and people chattering away. He plays a game on his phone, waiting for his order, genuinely disappointed when he can’t seem to beat the level and is out of all lives unless he watches an ad. When he passes a particularly difficult level, he shares it in group chat. The first time it happened was an accident — the game asking if he wanted to share his new high score when he clicked on the wrong button. But his friends got immediately invested, cheering him on, considering it was the first time he texted in the group in a week. Jongdae even downloaded the app, and Baekhyun lost interest immediately when he found out it was offline and you didn’t kill anyone. Chanyeol’s like that too, with his competitive streak. Sitting Kyungsoo down for hours and explaining the specifics and background lore of a game he’ll never play.

Kyungsoo’s legs swing from his seat as he digs into his black bean noodles, the only sort of contentment and joy that comes from a good meal. Maybe that’s why he’d been feeling so off-kilter the whole day, needed something filling. By the time he’s finished, he’s feeling considerably lighter — even in the mood for the Sehun whining at him to tag along for a drink and patiently explaining why he’ll be taking a rain check. Insung hyung is due taking the whole team out for drinks, and Kyungsoo prefers being able to afford the wine list on a company card.

He could probably go for a coffee right now, or something sweet. There’s still plenty of light out, and it’s not unbearably cold. Maybe he should invite -- the arrow beside the text he sent Chanyeol in the morning has two arrows beside it. It now reads ‘delivered’. Huh.

Rationally, he knows this means Chanyeol’s busy. There have been times where Chanyeol double, triple, quadruple texted Kyungsoo and got less than a ‘ㅋㅋ’ in response. They’re adults, they’re allowed to be busy, that’s okay. Rationally, Kyungsoo thinks, he really doesn’t need to invite anyone out for a coffee either.

He pays his bill and heads to the mall across the street, intent on enjoying himself. He lets himself be taken by the brightly lit, air conditioned sectioned off stores with distracting storefronts to maximise consumption. He would know, he works for the companies who want to do exactly that, and spends a good chunk of his time telling his friends to not buy into it. _‘Stop buying useless things’_ his own words echo back to him as he pauses and stares at overpriced anthropomorphic Disney plush toys. After he dutifully walked into a Starbucks and secured himself a peppermint tea is when he grasps he didn’t really think this through. He could go clothes shopping, but he recently bought a brown puffer jacket identical to the black one he owns. Or check out the grocery store, but he’s up to date on his meal prep and snacking needs.

In his absentmindness, he bumps into someone and murmurs a “sorry”, and is struck with the realisation that’s the first word he’s said out loud today, voice too quiet to have had been heard. It’s a strange ache, this loneliness. He’s never had a problem being lonely, being by himself is where he feels most comfortable. And yet, staring at the large poster NOW SHOWING: Frozen 2, he cannot deny the unmistakable absence by his side.

It bites like boredom, but Kyungsoo knows boredom, can cut through it by curling up at home with a new movie or a drama he’s been meaning to catch up on. Even the thought of doing that now falls flat. He heaves out a sigh, weary down to his bones for no reason. He has no right to feel this way, he just has to pull himself out of it. Kyungsoo’s about to make his mind and drudge through when a familiar silhouette of someone he’s been aching to see all day -- no way, his heart thumps -- a lump in his throat, as he turns ungraciously only years of judo and tap dancing training keeping him on his feet when he sees the tall stranger is just that: a tall stranger. Disappointment tastes bitter. Maybe the hope that it was him is worse.

It is just then Kyungsoo recognises the voice crooning through the mall’s speakers. The inimitable Dean ft Gaeko’s D (Half Moon) plays, as Kyungsoo admires the universe’s sense of irony and texts Baekhyun.

 **me:** I think I’m going crazy. ✔️

sent: 5:34pm

_‘...Nothing comes even close to half of you…’_

Before Super Junior’s Ryeowook enlisted, he hosted a radio show that Kyungsoo listened to religiously. Lo and fucking behold his surprise when one day, Kim Ryeowook read out music requests from fans who dialled in, “ _And up next, a request from a Park Chanyeol-ssi who wants to listen to Dean and Gaeko’s collab. ‘D Half Moon’ in honour of someone he misses, D.O. D.O-ssi, we hope you listen to this song and remember him too…”_

It comes so fucking natural for Chanyeol to do whatever his heart is set on. It is unthinkable for him to not pursue, not achieve what he puts his single-minded attention to--barr the outcome. He holds Kyungsoo with the same loud, brazen intensity he could down a bowl of naengmyeon with, declares his devotion with the same reverence. Kyungsoo doesn’t doubt his sincerity but it leaves him questioning how much he stacks up against a bowl of cold noodles.

Kyungsoo has never met someone with his heart on his sleeve, cards on full display. It had the opposite effect at first, making Kyungsoo withdraw when Chanyeol would take a mile for an inch. Being unsure of where they stand, of what it all means, and then Chanyeol would come in and slide his fingers within the gaps of Kyungsoo’s, say words with so much consequence so easily -- words Kyungsoo would choke on. He’s spent so long choosing his words and actions carefully, the weight behind them tying him down, leaving frozen in the same place.

The enormity of the affection he feels for Chanyeol terrifies him.

By the time he is in the cab headed to the studio in Yeoksam-dong, his phone buzzes. Figuring it is most likely Baekhyun responding to his cryptic text, no doubt unhelpfully, Kyungsoo turns his phone off, fingers drumming the edge of his handrest. The streets are familiar even as the sun sets and the twilight darkens by the minute.

**chanyeol:** fuck. I missed this

 **chanyeol:** I also missed breakfast :(

 **chanyeol:** I’m sorry I’ll make it up to you!!! promise!!!

 **[chanyeol** has sent a sticker]

 **chanyeol:** I’ve made so much progress on the album ^-^

 **chanyeol:** ~~thanks to you, my forever muse.~~

[ **chanyeol** has deleted a message]

 **chanyeol:** come over to the studio sometime, love to see what what you think!!

sent: 6:05PM

Studio 516 has a very distinct Chanyeol feel to it. Kyungsoo would know, he was here since the inception of it. He consulted on every wall painting colour, reprimanding in taking in furniture that was lying on the curb, the tiny recording booth Chanyeol would beg and coerce him to sing something for him, the guitars in the corner he’d tune wrong -- Chanyeol who lives as if he’s running out of time would have endless patience for him here, teaching Kyungsoo how to play, the shitty futon they’d breathlessly makeout on until a spring would comfortably dig into his back and Kyungsoo would bring how Chanyeol is willing to spend a dime on _everything_ except something that can be an investment for making his workspace comfortable, and Chanyeol would laugh, fingers on Kyungsoo’s swollen reddened lips and eyes darkening, murmuring something about not getting much work done on this couch anyways.

Chanyeol’s in his hoodie and fucking shorts for some reason, hair’s a mess when he sees Kyungsoo entering. He beams, saying something about getting his texts but Kyungsoo barely hears it — making a straight beeline for him. It’s a testament to how familiar they are to the other as Chanyeol’s arms open almost instinctively when Kyungsoo practically barrels him into a hug.

Kyungsoo closes his eyes shut and wraps his arms around Chanyeol. Unlike in dramas, where the lead character freezes in the embrace while a romantic OST plays, Chanyeol immediately responds -- drawing him in closer and sinking his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. Kyungsoo holds him like that for 5 more seconds or an hour or an eternity, he has no way to tell, he can only feel the bottomless pit in his chest that ate at him uncomfortably all day finally feel half full -- water to a soul dying of thirst. He can’t tell if the blood rushing to his ears is the thus of his own heartbeat or the chest he has his head on or both of theirs to the beat of one. Chanyeol simply hums in contentment, no quick pats or pulling away — the universal symbol of ending a hug.

When it finally ends, Chanyeol lifts his head and Kyungsoo looks up at him — his arms are still around Kyungsoo — keeping him close. “Hey you.” Chanyeol whispers, fond and unable to keep from smiling. Sometimes the way he looks at Kyungsoo, his eyes wide and full of adoration, Kyungsoo wonders what he sees -- it makes his heart lurch. He doesn’t ask what brought this on, or any other question. Beyond anything, Chanyeol is kind. He can wait for Kyungsoo.

 _I thought of you all day._ “My phone’s out of charge.” Is what Kyungsoo’s brain to mouth filter says out loud.

Chanyeol half snorts, shoulders shaking, as his head reaches in Kyungsoo’s hair — ruffling it a bit, before sliding down to his neck. His skin is hot to the touch. “Silly goose… you don’t even carry a wallet these days. Must be that game you’re always playing. Good thing you came over.” Still holding Kyungsoo, Chanyeol leans over to his desk and grabs a powerbank.

An irrational thought crosses Kyungsoo’s mind: _he knows._

And then, an even more irrational one: _I hope he does._

With a hand on the small of Kyungsoo’s back, he gently guides him to the recording pad. “Wanna hear the new demos?” He asks. Kyungsoo thinks back to every time Chanyeol’s shown him his music, from unfinished snippets to actual produced, written tracks that became trending hits. He was particularly smug when one idol song about falling for a girl with long, flowing hair and heart shaped lips went to the top of the charts — right after Kyungsoo got a buzz cut. Chanyeol puts him in his work, in his studio, in everything he loves and he doesn’t think about how he’d have to disentangle, remove every trace of him someday. It’s still a choice not naïveté. A choice to jump in headfirst, let it overwhelm you and know if it doesn’t work out, you’d have to rip out everything you love and start from scratch. Kyungsoo could never have that much blind faith in this world. But he does believe in Chanyeol.

“Yeah. I’d like that.”

* * *

  
  
  



End file.
